Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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