So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
