Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
