WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Less talking, more tequila
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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