Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
