walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
