I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
