you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
