I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
