I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
