I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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