Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
