How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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