I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
