I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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