I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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