just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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