I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
