so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
