it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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