For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
