I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He felt like a one man threesome
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
