Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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