So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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