I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
