my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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