and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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