i permit you to call me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
