he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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