he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
