hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
