how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
