last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
