idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
