I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
