i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
