I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
