In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
