Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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