He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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