Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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