.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
