Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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