I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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