that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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