i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
