he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
