mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
