I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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