Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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