god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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