i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
