I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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