he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
