i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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