At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
