Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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