mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
