Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
