Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
