just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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