don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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