I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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