what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm always down for nudity.