the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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