i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
last night I used snow as a chaser
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
