love makes seman taste better
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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