You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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