Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize