How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
