just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
