She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
