I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
