you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
