ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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