Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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