just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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