So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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