i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
