He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish you could order shots online.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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