If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
