Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
